Ever had one of those moments where you feel like doing something, but in your heart you know it's not exactly you who wants to do it?
I've had a few moments like that recently. No idea if it was God speaking to me or through me, as I know He does happen to do once in awhile (oft times to both my surprise and bewilderment, and not always reinforcing my ways of life).
One seeming God-moment was when I was feeling completely drained last night after being with what felt like a hundred people (but in fact was only a few I had not seen in awhile). It wasn't a feeling I usually have, like a filled-in-hollow-burned-out kinda thing. So, I ended up wanting to do what anyone would in such a situation: go jogging. Fortunately for what I am sure would have been both my physical and mental well-being, someone asked me to read over their paper, which I am always excited to do as it combines my passions for helping people, being critical, and improving my writing skills. So after a jog over to their place, I read through and gave my suggestions for the paper, which was really more flow-deficient in a few places than all-out horrible. And after that, we somehow got onto the topic of friends and deep conversations, both of which I struggle to attract. Yet as I sat there listening (a pasttime I've come to appreciate more and more), I realized that not only am I struggling to find what Larry Crab would describe as "spiritual community", but that others seem to want more from their fellow Christians than talk about the radio or how a job is going. I have no idea if this person had the need to talk about it in depth, but I definitely had the need to listen to what was said.
I have the feeling that there are times when God needs us to not only listen to him, but listen to others as well. While there is no doubt in my mind that last night was a blessing in what was before then a rather spiritually unfulfilling day (and considering I went to church, it probably should not have been), I do wish that I had some idea of how to create a deeper community among those people I'm close to. Given my propensity for analyzing the logic of relationships (whether friends or otherwise; see "odd but valid question" post earlier), it seems like I have a long way to go before that happens, but seeing as nothing is impossible for God, I guess I just need to leave myself open to more of these "God-moments" and see what happens.
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2 comments:
well. you saved my life with the paper, and i did need to talk. so thank-you for listening. i'm glad that it wasn't a complete waste of time for you - i love it when god works things out like that.
i wonder though, you wrote that friends and deep conversations are something that you struggle with - but you listen, and you're approachable - at least i think so. i wouldn't feel comfortable jogging with very many people, but somehow you give off this air of "i'm not going to think less of you even if you are slower than a tortoise". anyway. it seems weird to me that you would struggle with those things when you seem to be the kind of person who cares for his friends, listens well, doesn't judge - all qualities that generally do attract both friendships and deep conversations. hmm.
First off, you're definitely faster than a tortoise, I'd say at least a motivated, ain't-gonna-give-up, Rocky-esque turtle if anything.
Regarding the other thing, a key term is "generally"; perhaps I'm just missing something which maintains deep relationships over time, maybe I just don't have the opportunity to exhibit such behaviour often. Keep in mind that we're all in some state of flux, and what I may do these days I haven't always been accustomed to doing.
Still, it's always good to hear that I might be on the right track towards some of the more important things we can do on earth.
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