Especially Joshes can be imperfect....

I realize that I'm not often open about my less-than-pristine moments, so I decided to go out on a limb (pretty far out) and type up a recent entry in my journal. Sorry if it's kinda corny, just happened to be what I was feeling at the time. If nothing else, I hope it gives someone hope for when life seems uncertain and uncontrollable.

Joshua,
Where is your faith? Has God not provided for you again and again, no matter your need, unrelated to how freaked out you become over everything? Do not set your worries on your own affairs. God is in control of all, and will not let you fall, irregardless of what your circumstances may seem like. God's plans for you are good, and you are along His journey for you as He has desired you to be. You feel lonely, without anyone to comfort you as you feel continually denied in authentic connections with others, yet God is there when you cry in what seems to be an empty room. While you're thinking He's not there, keep in mind that He is the room; He is the air you use to speak and sing in times both good and bad. You have failed in keeping strong friendships alive; you've failed also in controlling your thoughts and emotions, the parts of you which force you time and time again to admit your inadequacy. Where you failed utterly, you have succeeded joyfully in God. He is your stongest friendship, deeper than any human could fathom. He helps you when emotions roll free and the dark clouds of frustration and stress roll in, deepening your connection to Him in what is so precious a thing to have, that God did all in His power to obtain it with you. Confusion is only natural, uncertainty the only certainty, so your frets and worries, while seemingly real now, will soon dissolve into the patience of eternity and joy of purity.
Never forget (which is harder than always remembering):
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. For the
Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9 (emphasis mine)

Hooked on Courses?

As my final semester of undergraduate post-secondary learning approaches, I feel it pertinent to address an issue of the education system which does not always have its proper moments. I am, of course, talking about the fact that University will suck your life dry if you let it.
Now, keep in mind that my grades are not pristine, so the potentially euphoric high one receives (comparable only to having the pleasure centre of your brain directly stimulated, as I hear it, at least) once obtaining the all-powerful and nigh-Everest-like acheivement of straight A's (or A+'s if you're really going for it) I have yet to experience. Therefore, I admit to not having exactly the most objective viewpoint on this, but the fact is that my viewpoint is only rarely objective, and when it is, things get screwy to say the least; so I will give you my straightforward opinion on the whole thing.
University, like most things semi-addictive in nature, is a tool. It can be used for good, and it can most definitely be used for evil. There is no direct morality taught, nor personal development forced upon its inhabitants. These you must develop for yourself, and if you believe that your classes are going to do it for you, you are in for a very pluralistic and relativistic journey, at the end of which you will be more confused about what is right and wrong than after all the lectures of "Quantum Mechanics as applied to the socioeconomic impact of the Osprey Monkey and its implications for the history and meaning of life 101".
Yet education at times promises this enlightening aspect. With all the knowledge of the world at your fingertips, you must be able to stumble across wisdom which will form your personality and make you the person you need to become; after all, all these dead people found something to write about. And so people strive year after year to find these pieces of themselves in every place but within their own heart.
Even worse, some believe that they will find themselves after graduating, that their job of choice is just waiting on the outside of these struggles for a letter grade and if they push out a few more A's, they will find what they are looking for both personally and professionally. Two points: one; as I understand it, the majority of jobs these days are found through networking and less through good grades; two; my recommendation is to start the journey for who you want to be now, because it is not short.
So I ask: what are you looking for in your education, and are you sure you are not making education your life, instead of making life your education?
We need to find life, hope, love, etc.; not life in a dusty book where the words can seem just as distant as a professor can when talking on their subject of choice. Life was not meant to be lived in a dark room looking at cells or writing thousands of lines of code each day.
Life was meant to be lived with God, with purpose. Education cannot be our final goal, because it is short-lived and finite in nature. Learning can be life-long, as it should be, yet you can accumulate any number of degrees or take all the courses a university has to offer, but there is no way you can live your life fully if you do not know what's behind the learning.
As I come close to graduating, I look back and see that I am not ashamed of the hours I spent with people instead of with textbooks, nor the many extra-curricular activities I have busied myself with during the past 4.5 years of University. Over the many years I have been part of SFU, I know this one thing: involvement in your community will give you your best memories, teach you your most profound lessons, and allow you your greatest opportunities to reach others.
If 80% of the work in community groups and volunteer organizations is done by 20% of the population, I now know why I only meet about 2 out of 10 people who never cease to keep me inspired and alive; I guess the rest of them must be looking for inspiration in their lecture notes.

What makes people act in good or evil ways?

These are the first two paragraphs (so far) of my paper for a "Social Psychology of Good and Evil" course. I may upload the whole thing when it's done (as it is due tomorrow), but for now I figured I'd see what people think of the intro.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke

It is easy to see the world as all-good or all-evil. From cognitive psychology, studies in schematic thinking and heuristics tell us that making easy, definable categories which are performable in automatic ways will simplify a person’s life. While defining each can be a mess of logic, consensus, and parsimony, we all have within us some very real sense of certain acts being good or evil. In studies of morality, questions abound as to the nature of what “good” people are and what makes them different from “bad” people, if differences exist. In what often seems the bleakness of the world, its obsidian shroud of relativism and selfish desire, there can be some who uphold a strict moral code and believe in the pervasiveness of good over destructive behaviour and intent. To reach such a state of virtuous action, these “moral exemplars” have developed to act morally out of an “uniting of self and morality” (Colby & Damon, 1992, p. 310). Not only can these people be admired for their moral state, but their example allows an in-depth look into what bridges the divides between evil, neutral, and good.

In this paper, it will be argued that good and evil actions have their roots in how integrated one’s sense of self is with one’s sense of humanity, morality, and purpose. By “good”, I mean to say constructively adding to humanity through beneficial acts to individuals or groups, whereas “evil” will be defined as avoidable harm committed against others or the unwillingness to help avoid or alleviate harm if such is possible and will not result in further harm done. Alternatively, another appropriate definition is provided by “Irving Sarnoff: ‘Evil is knowing better but doing worse’” (Zimbardo, 2004, p. 22). Since they are not mutually exclusive, both definitions for evil will be utilized. Since “humanity” can be defined in different ways, here it refers to all human “in-groups” being conceptualized as unified, and a respect for humanity denoting some degree of reverence for “the value of human beings and of human life, their worth” (Colby & Damon, p. 317).

Hopefully no plagiarism will be taken from the above, but I'm sure if you want the reference the date and author will give you enough, and if not I can definitely mention it later.

On Solo Film-Viewing

I'm not a loner.
At least, I make the most sincere effort not to be; however, I have to give a recommendation to anyone who enjoys movies: try watching them alone. What? "Movies are supposed to be a social event, something you do with friends". Sure, you can use movies as social events, but I'd like to make the point that this is probably the worst thing you can do when you want to hang out with people: sit in a large, dark room while following a story on the screen (if that's the kind of movie you're at, that is). Not only does each person in a group have a different perspective on the film, each person afterwards feels obligated to validate the choice of movie-going by saying how they liked or disliked it, with whatever opinion comes first typically being the eventual consensus because, after all, you're not there to enjoy a movie, you're there to enjoy each other's company.
Those who know me, know that I frequently go to movies alone. This, of course, is not to insult anyone or to establish that I am in fact an individual (I have enough evidence of that already). The reason for solo movie-going is to gauge the movie's merits myself, independent of any other opinions of those people I may have some obligation to agree with on some level. Recently, I saw "Stranger Than Fiction" (which I recommend on the basis of having very interesting perspectives on the value of one's life, death, and just basic morality itself), and I know that if I had seen it with anyone I know, I would definitely not have enjoyed it nearly as much. I will admit a primary reason for this is that I care what others think of me, because it's usually me who chooses the movie, thus the evaluation of the movie is also an evaluation of me as a movie-chooser.
"What about sharing the experience with others?" Rent. You can fast forward, rewind, pause, whatever the situation requires. In fact, if you rent, I believe you'll enjoy the movie more because you will see it in a comfortable environment, and you can actually see the people around you. Awkwardness doesn't go away for me, unfortunately, but at least people have the option of talking without ruining the experience of unknown persons, and in fact more opportunity is given to "constructively review" the movie as you're watching (often in the form of jovial commentary, of course).
All in all, don't take my word for it, as I'm not always the exemplar for normal. Try it with some movie that you think you would enjoy, but are unsure if anyone else would have as good a time as you would. For anyone who thinks that I'm just taking too much time to speak on a completely irrelevant issue, a) you're the one who's read this, and b) really, there are more irrelevant things in the world.
Oh yeah, anyone wanna go to a movie?

Saved by a paper

Ever had one of those moments where you feel like doing something, but in your heart you know it's not exactly you who wants to do it?
I've had a few moments like that recently. No idea if it was God speaking to me or through me, as I know He does happen to do once in awhile (oft times to both my surprise and bewilderment, and not always reinforcing my ways of life).
One seeming God-moment was when I was feeling completely drained last night after being with what felt like a hundred people (but in fact was only a few I had not seen in awhile). It wasn't a feeling I usually have, like a filled-in-hollow-burned-out kinda thing. So, I ended up wanting to do what anyone would in such a situation: go jogging. Fortunately for what I am sure would have been both my physical and mental well-being, someone asked me to read over their paper, which I am always excited to do as it combines my passions for helping people, being critical, and improving my writing skills. So after a jog over to their place, I read through and gave my suggestions for the paper, which was really more flow-deficient in a few places than all-out horrible. And after that, we somehow got onto the topic of friends and deep conversations, both of which I struggle to attract. Yet as I sat there listening (a pasttime I've come to appreciate more and more), I realized that not only am I struggling to find what Larry Crab would describe as "spiritual community", but that others seem to want more from their fellow Christians than talk about the radio or how a job is going. I have no idea if this person had the need to talk about it in depth, but I definitely had the need to listen to what was said.
I have the feeling that there are times when God needs us to not only listen to him, but listen to others as well. While there is no doubt in my mind that last night was a blessing in what was before then a rather spiritually unfulfilling day (and considering I went to church, it probably should not have been), I do wish that I had some idea of how to create a deeper community among those people I'm close to. Given my propensity for analyzing the logic of relationships (whether friends or otherwise; see "odd but valid question" post earlier), it seems like I have a long way to go before that happens, but seeing as nothing is impossible for God, I guess I just need to leave myself open to more of these "God-moments" and see what happens.

Hilarious List....

My brother pointed me to this list,

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

It basically outlines what this guy would do if he was an evil overlord, essentiall how he'd avoid the all-too-common mistakes of past evildoers.
Now if only Bond villains would read it....

Amazing generosity in Kamloops

So I'm now the Summer Safety Coordinator for the Kamloops Brain Injury Association. It's a pretty sweet job, considering I get to bike around Kamloops for a few hours a day and get paid for it. However, I've found something very surprising: companies actually will give you stuff if you're using it for a good cause.
My job essentially entails enforcing and promoting the Skateboard Rewards Program for the KBIA, where I go to skate parks and the like and give rewards to people wearing helmets. Rewards include anything I receive from local businesses and last year ranged between a 2 for 1 coupon to t-shirts and $25 gift certificates.
This year, I decided that I need to aim high. So I contacted over 60 places, asking if they had anything they might be able to donate. To my surprise, I had 3 responses before I even began phoning all the businesses for follow-up. I've now accumulated t-shirts, DVD's, stickers, keychains, gift certificates, and more, all in the span of 3 days, and what's even more amazing is that I'm not even half way through all the places that sound like they might also donate something.
This brang up a question for me. As the DVBS director at my Church last year, I had a similar role in that I needed to get donations for the program, and I probably approached around 40-50 places asking for what they might be able to donate, with less than 50% success. Now, with the KBIA, I'm getting an incredibly positive reaction. The question I ask (other than what am I going to do with all this stuff) is whether the fact I was acting on behalf of a Church influenced anyone to give or not give. There are probably a few other mitigating factors, such as my increased experience in telephone conversation or in how to approach business for donations, but I believe that it would be incredibly sad if people negated to donate to a Church program just because it was religiously based.
Oh well, I do have to praise God for all the support I'm getting for the program, because if you haven't attempted convincing someone to wear helmets, I never reccommend starting with adolescent skateboarders. I.e. support definately required; in fact, any divine intervention in the area of saving some of these kids' craniums will be most appreciated and required. On the plus side, I'm starting to get a very small understanding of how God feels when He sees people not accepting His son to redeem their sins...
Oh, and remember: brain injury is forever; prevention is the only cure. (and if you're wearing a helmet and see me at a skate park in Kamloops, make sure to get a prize)

Finding a job, or just finding something

I am currently residing in Kamloops, B.C., where my parents live and I have lived for about 11 years. It's a nice place, potentially relaxing and entertaining in its own unique fashion.
One difficulty does arise for students (like myself) when they are attempting to fit back into Kamloops life: finding a decent job. A job which will pay for at least a portion of one's tuition and living expenses while allowing survival of the Kamloops summer (it's a neo-desert climate... for those who know me, yes, I get quite warm). So far, I have a position at DHL (aka Loomis), sorting packages. Other positions I have held this summer include entry watch at a pulp mill, farmer at an organic farm, and various chore-like activities. Sadly, the DHL job is at nasty times and hence blocks out a few other positions I have applied for, not that I'm overly concerned. You see, I know that whatever happens this summer, God will take care of me as He always has, and so my concern turns more to a question of whether I am seeking work which God would have me do, a question which is not as easy to discern as I may communicate. In my experience, He isn't interested as much in the job as the person doing the job, and how the relationships presented in the employment are fostered and grown.
Understand that, although I have taken 4 years of psychology and have many friends in various locales, relationships are hard. They take a lot of work and trust on both sides to make them strong and lasting. I can listen to people and keep up my side of the deal, but there are only rare times when I accept others doing the same, especially when I know that I will never see those people again. Hence my difficulty with that side of God's interests in my summer employment.
I suppose the reason for all this blathering is just to say that at times God's will and your own may not coincide, whether the reason is the difference in perspective (as one may imagine), or your self-interests. My suggestion is patience (difficult even for the most saintly of us) and a healthy dose of God's point of view (ie. ask yourself What does God want with the world? What does He seem to want with me? What is tearing at God's heart?). No guarentee, but those things have been helpful to me in the past few months of seemingly hopeless job searching, so perhaps they'll be of some small consolation to any who may be struggling with similar troubles.

I recently found this awesome website:

http://americanrhetoric.com/

It has all sorts of speeches, some of which are audio and video. It's interesting to examine their effect on you as you read them, and where that effect comes from.
I reccomend checking out the movies section, where you can find some of the better movie speeches with accompanying background music.

The resemblance is uncanny.... 

How are you crying out?

3THE VOICE OF ONE CRYING IN THE WILDERNESS,
'MAKE READY THE WAY OF THE LORD,
MAKE HIS PATHS STRAIGHT.'" (Mark 1:3 NASB)

I'll be the first to admit that I am in fact a distinct person, someone who is unlike most others, and I believe that God has made me so for a reason, just as he has made each of us unique. I don't mean to criticize those who follow fashion trends just because they're fashion trends, or those who have not taken the time to evaluate who they truly are and (if Christian or otherwise spiritual), how they fit into God's plan.
If you look throughout the Bible, there are times when masses of people are used for God's glory, and also times where the acts of one or two people create the downfall of entire houses or civilizations. God uses a plethera of ways to influence the world, and while we can understand that His ways are huge and definately beyond our comprehension, at times you have to sit back and marvel at what He does.
John the Baptist... what a distinct and unique person. Never mind the eating locusts, or the camel hair and leather. Think about this: he was crying out in the wilderness. One man. Big place. God's chosen mechanism to usher in the savior of the world, and he chooses someone we would probably lock up and drug up today. Why not use a great mass of people? Maybe a few trumpets, like back in the good ol days of Jericho? You'd certainly get a little more publicity than one person yelling in the middle of nowhere, especially with such an important event as the savior of humanity coming forward.
But God didn't. He gave us one man in the wilderness, a man who ate the pests which destroyed good crops and wore camel hair as clothing (which gives me hope as a person with a non-conformist attire). John was loud and he was effective, even when he was preaching from the pulpit of nowhere to a group of people who couldn't understand the full ramifications of what he was doing.
Now there is no wilderness, nowhere we can go which is desolate enough to require a John the Baptist; or is there? We live in a society where less people have a knowledge about Jesus, and more people think it 'cool' to throw insults at Christians than validly evaluate the faith we have (not that I'm complaining). Let's be that voice in the wilderness, that one faint sound in the middle of a parched desert of spirituality, the slight hope of light and peace in such seas of darkness and confusion. People will look at you strangely, but we have to keep crying out in praise of the only being deserving of it. If you have hesitation, think of it this way: if you do not show Jesus's love to those around you and, if they are ready, show them the hope you have in Jesus, who will? Who will?

One slip-up

I feel very bad about what has gone on in the organization I preside over, and even worse that I didn't do what should have been done to prevent it. I am the president of the Residence Hall Association at SFU, a student government within the university's residences, and we put out a newsletter to the undergrad residences every month which we try to fill with events happening in residence and various entertaining items (or entertaining to the person making it). March's newsletter had some content in it which I would not repeat; safe to say that the glance I had of it after it was printed and reprinted on many hundreds of pages should have made me send it to the recycling bin as it in no way reflected what I want the organization to stand for or to be.
Yet I didn't stop it, and this worries me because it tells me that I can't respect my own values and intuition to follow them when a situation comes up where social pressures tell me to act against my values. It may be over-dramatic, but it reminds me of the quote from Edmund Burke, "All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing." For many years, I've tried to be the person who does something in the face of challenged values (of course all the while accepting the assumption, albeit perhaps true, that I am one of those "good men"); and now I have experienced the pain of doing nothing, and to offer some advice, if you feel your values being challenged, do something about it. Whether that is questioning why you value that thing or if it's saying no to the face of a group of people who would have you go against that value, do it. The moment you do nothing, someday it will come back and you will have this feeling in yourself like you have invalidated your own principles...
Well, that's enough self-pity. Please take what advice I have in this case, as the same situation could happen to you, and I pray you would do differently.

On why to be a Christian

I've heard many reasons for people being Christians. My own reason came about because of God's never-ending love for me and his incredible ability to speak to me at just the right time. Other fascinating reasons have to do with drug addictions, logical deductions, or even just one significant person mentioning a church somewhere or a youth group elsewhere.
One thing I would like to tell all to-be Christians and even some people who know the faith but maybe don't have the personal relationship with Christ for one reason or another: do not take it on unless you know it is your decision, that you have examined everything you need to and despite some small doubt some fearful person gave you, you have decided for yourself that Christ is your savior.
Some might ask why I, a professing Christian and as such someone who wants to spread the gospel as much as possible, would want to tell people to question their initiation to faith. The reason for this is that people who come to faith just because it's a social thing to do are not typically in the habit of sticking to the faith when the going gets tough.
Whatever your reason for believing (or not, if that's the case), please ask yourself if it is based in some form of social pressure, because at some point in everyone's faith they are put to the test, and you, not your friends or your parents or your pastor, will have to get through that test, and if your faith is based on anything but Christ and the relationship you have with Him, you will find the test easier to give up on than you could have possibly expected.

Odd but valid question

I have this odd tendency which seems to be either more prevalent in my life or I'm just becoming more conscious of it, so I ask you this question. Please answer it before you read on:

If you know something is inconstant, is it right to distance yourself from it or not value it as much as something you know is constant?

Ok, since you now have that opinion, I'll tell you my difficulty: I know that some friendships I have will not last. It's not that these relationships will explode at some point, it's more of a slow withering which occurs and which I have observed in many interactions I have with people. After this realization, it seems best to create an emotional distance from those relationships which would only serve to (at worst) hurt both individuals or (at best) be a slight obligatory misuse of time.
The difficulty with all this is that I know the logic of it, but something in me can't accept that this is how a healthy individual should be treating those around her or him. I'm hoping some input from someone will give a bit better light on a problem which has kinda haunted me for a long time.

Sunrise 

West Coast Trail gang 

My Dad 

A great sea of cloud 

Me and my Brother Andres at Trophy Mountains 

Sunset from Mountain 

Grouse Grind... Never shoulda stopped, really 

Sunset from Burnaby Mountain Park 

Me looking fancy 

During sledding... in shorts and a hawaiian t-shirt 

On being 21

(this is transferred from my MSN space... I was told that one isn't very good, so I came over here)

Hey Anyone,

No idea who's gonna read this; probably no one.
I turned 21 on Saturday. Yes, many people are surprised that I am so young as well as that my birthday was not widely celebrated, but I'd like to speak to one thing which I believe should hit every person at 21: what are you doing? At this point in life the gloves are off, I can now go to the states and drink with the best of them. More importantly, there is a number of people out there who may see 21 as a magical age which now means I am a "man", as though this gender and sex definition did not apply to me beforehand. I suppose that I could have been (and still may be) called a child before my birthday, but what has really changed? Also, what does being a "true man" entail? My mail hasn't been working great in the past little while, so if there's some sort of manual detailing my new responsibilities, I won't get it for a bit... I don't think that it'll arrive anyways. It's silly to assume that all of the sudden I'm a new person; I am who I have always been: an impermanent form of what is to come. As is with many people, there are times when I demonstrate the behavior I would wish to show for my entire life, and other times which I really wish didn't happen. God, knowing exactly what I need, has revealed that I won't always be clumsy with words, not always brutal with feedback, and not always negative in opinion; yet the change always happens slowly, with each increasing increment of self-knowledge and devotion to God.
In the end, being 21 doesn't mean a thing. I am now past two decades of age, and there is more ahead of me than behind me. Being who I am, I am truthfully frightened of what's to come, because I inevitably know what it's going to be.
I only pray that acheiving the great prize of living for 21 years will inspire me to pick up the responsibility I have left slacking, and become the man I know God has it in store for me to be.